No apologies for spoilers.

E-Mod 116 Online prides itself on being perpetually stuck in 1987 (flying in the face of that fact reviews were posted of films released in 1988 and 2014 as of this writing.) That said time to talk about spoilers and why most reviews on here will feature them. The main issue when the bulk of the films reviewed are over 20 years old, by sheer chance you’ve probally caught part of the movie on television randomly. Not seeing a movie that Gen X (1961-1981 for the culturally impared) by sheer memory can recite word for word is your fault. When a movie is really bad or a rant about a director or screen writer or actor happens, yes films will be spoiled to use as facts to back up the claim (honestly get ready to expect every movie Ron Howard has done to be spoiled sans Apollo 13 as everyone knows how that ended.) Put it this way when movies give E-Mod 116 Online back the time and money wasted on cinematic turds watched the spoilers will end.

Review: Guardians of the Galaxy (2014/PG-13)

So there’s something you need to know about us at E-Mod 116, ever since 2000 movies totally suck (oh 1999 how we long for you and your wonderful cinema.) But while it’s steady diet of turds flung at you now, every once in a while (like 8 to 9 years) a gem falls in your lap that’s so wonderful you almost forget how bad cinema today has become, Guardians of the Galaxy is movie that proves the originality and creativeness you thirst for is finally heard if only for a fleeting moment. So first off what is this film? The answer is this is Star Wars with Assholes, in fact in terms of science fiction this film is in the same vain of Starship Troopers then Star Wars. We’re a sucker for anthing that is self aware of itself and Guardians of the Galaxy is basically a Marvel movie that is a parody of a Marvel movie which after 10 plus years of super hero movies need a good slap up side the head and a good natured razing. One of the best cameos in the film is Lloyd Kaufman the founder of Troma films. In fact if this film was realased in 1994 or 1989 it would have been a Troma movie and B-Movie classic like Toxic Advengers or Attack of the Killer Tomatoes. So why does this film work on so many levels and hits that ultimate home run? One word, snark. Cabin in the Woods in 2010 did this flawlessly, now since everything in the Marvel Universe is connected, Joss Weedon co-wrote Cabin in the Woods 2 years before he made that little film called The Avengers.  This is probably the first and possibly the only Marvel movie where the main character says “They got my dick message.” Seriously that’s pure originality why doesn’t Iron Man say that, we need more jackasses in superhero cinema. Speaking of jackasses lets talk about the Racoon. Watching him makes this film also in the shades of Captain EO at Epcot, the ultimate in 80s cheesey cool. Staying back in the 80s, the sound track is one of the best since the 1998 film 54. Let us be honest, good music stopped in 1995 let the music from 1974 forever reign. Seriously with so much originality and creativity bursting at the seams in this cinematic masterpiece it makes movies fun again and the reason why film is the perfect blend of entertainment and art.

Rated: PG-13 

On a scale of 1.0 to 5.9 it got a 5.5 out of 5.9

Review : Scrooged (1988/PG-13)

Look right off  the bat were not going to say we dislike Bill Murray in films, but we kind of think he’s got his head up Wes Anderson’s ass now (we saw Rushmore and someone owes us $7.50.) That said let’s go back to the 80s when Bill actually gave a damn. In 1988 Murray teamed up with Richard Donner, yes the director of Lethal Weapon 1,2, 3, and the meh it’s ok 4. Also he directed a little film you may have heard of called Superman. So why on earth would these two people team up to make a movie, let alone a Christmas movie? The answer is simple, Scrooged much like Bad Santa is the anti-Christmas movie. In fact this film along with Mickeys Christmas Carol, and the 1984 film starring George C Scott (an actor who you should totally respect because he said the Oscars were “a goddamn meat parade”) is one of the best tellings of A Christmas Carol Story, this one however is a fresh modern twist. Let’s focus on what makes this so funny, Bill Murray plays Francis Xavier Cross a television executive, yes this was relased in 1988 but honestly since then NOTHING has changed in the world of television, in fact the story in the story the live performance of A Christmas Carol could be analogous with the Sound of Music Live or Peter Pan Live, both would have been equally better with Buddy Hackett, Jamie Farr, and Mary Lou Retton. The dark irony is also delicious as the network standards and practices berates the production for having dancer outfits that “you can clearly see her nipples” (remember when that is what the PG-13 rating was for) only to be comically injured in cartoony ways and always screaming “ohhhhhh shiiiiit!” In fact the irony and down right live action cartoon feel of the movie makes it so enjoyable, from Ghost of Christmas Present beating up Frank with a Toaster, to Bobcat Goldthwait literally transforming himself from 80s corporate brown nose yuppie to manic shot gun wielding loon akin to how you used to seeing him Police Academy 2 or Shakes The Clown. This might be the only no scratch that the only Christmas movie to ever use the line “He just called you a flaming butthead.” that you start crying so hard from laugher you have to pause and rewind the film just catch your breath and hear the punch line to the fantastic joke. In short you know the story so why not see it when the story has some teeth. Bill Murray is a comic genius as he gave us Dr. Peter Venkman no matter how much Wes Anderson is trying to destroy that. Scrooged is a true holiday classic and film that doesn’t age even if it’s set in 1988. Oh did we mention Karen Allen from Raiders of the Lost Ark has a role in this film? She’s both talented and attractive back when both were common in movies, that alone is reason to watch this holiday masterpeice.

Rating : PG-13

On a scale of 1.0 to 5.9 it got a 5.5 out of 5.9

Review : Santa Clause The Movie (1985/PG)

It’s Christmas time (or Xmas for those who watch Futurama or too lazy to spell, hey we hear you on that last one) so let’s bring some Yuletide reviewing and look at Santa Clause : The Movie. This year throughout December or back on July 25th, this film ran on the channel Movies! if you’ve never heard of it here’s the url of there website http://www.moviestvnetwork.com long story short (too late) it’s an over the air Turner Classic Movies and it does a fantastic job of delivering high quality content. Anyway enough prasing the channel airing it lets do some reviewing. This film is created by the same producers who brought you the 1978 film Superman, and director who brought you Jaws…………… 2. Ok so it wasn’t the really good Jaws but sill better then Jaws 3-D and Jaws 4.  With all that going for it, this film seems like a sure fire winner….. well it wasn’t, critics (of 1985 hated it) but Gen X kids watched it non stop on HBO. This leads to question is this film good or bad? The answer techinally it’s bad with a lame story and stereotypical 80s cliched characters, but at the same time it’s fantastic because of the actors in the movie. Let’s start with John Lithgow, who plays the over the top villian. Lithgow can take any role and make it pure gold, Gen X loves him. Harry and the Hendersons, Footlose, The Twilight Zone: The Movie, 2010: The Year We Make Contact, and Shrek, that alone is a total gold filmography and every part is pure enjoyment even a crummy script and story line this one was turned into pure entertainment. The same can be said about late Dudley Moore, yes the film 10 totally sucked (proof not everything Blake Edwards did was comic gold, like the Pink Panther movies) but this film he came off as so charming and full of energy you literally wanted his character Parch to come hang out with you. Hey what about the story your asking to yourself (or not we’re not a freaking mind reader here) well just like Superman also produced by the Salkinds the plot is rather basic (in Superman is was real eastate scam) this time it’s a Toy Maker that wants to rebuild his bad PR. That alone would make people run from the theater, but just like Gene Hackman and Christoper Reeve were fantastic actors who made the mundaune totally entertaining and an instant classic, John Lithgow and Dudley Moore step up here and make an instant holiday winner that Gen X folk totally love (remember when we watch it we see through the eyes of the first time we saw it on HBO or VHS when life was fun and simple yes we’re totally biased but that’s how most movies make or loose there money.) So go see if Movies! is on the air in your market or if it’s for rent on Apple TV and enjoy Santa Claus : The Movie.

Rating : PG (honestly should be rated G)

Score on a scale of 1.0 to 5.9 it got a 4.5 out of 5.9.

E-Mod 116 Online mission statement. Because it’s always 1987 at the movies.

Welcome one and all to E-Mod 116 Online. So aside from a name that makes no sense what is this blog about? Here’s the back story. E-Mod 116 Online was created in 1995 as a local BBS in Jacksonville, Florida (no we’re not located there anymore.) In early 1996 movie reviews of then current films began. Then in 1998 the whole operation moved to the World Wide Web because you know that’s where the action was at (By action mostly cnet, Yahoo, and porn. Compared to today which is cnet, Google, and porn.)  What made the movie reviews on E-Mod 116 Online unique was the snark and that a review of a movie might actually be about the MPAA giving a certain rating to the movie, the screen writer, or even the production company. In short it wasn’t about the movie it was about what makes the movie a movie that got reviewed. So why bring E-Mod 116 Online back over 20 years later when there are litteraly thousands of sites that review films? The answer is simple there are films on TV all the time now, and on demand at your fingertips with the help of you iphone or AppleTV. Why not review a film from 1987 (or any year) with a fresh prospective, to remind people of films long forgotten. And why not make them laugh with sheer biterness of a rant about a movie or a factor that made the movie, or total nerdgasim (yeah probally not a word) of a 20 or 30 year old film that is so full of cheese you want to savor it as it’s tasty treat. Welcome to E-Mod 116 Online, and roll the flick. Oh FYI we can’t spell or proof read for crap we couldn’t in 1995, 1998, or today, and autocorrect only makes everything worse, so why not have a drinking game of bad grammar and diction of this blog, it’s a fun way to get hammered.