Review : Johnny Dangerously (1984/PG-13)

Have you ever seen The St. Valentine’s Day Massacare, or Bonnie and Clyde? What do those two movies have in common? There both films set in 1920s / 1930s gangster era. With a genre so rich and so full, it was only a matter of time before it had to get spoofed, and that happened in 1984 with Johnny Dangerously. What makes this film rare is that not only is it a screwball comedy spoof genre film, it’s that it was directed by a woman (which even today it seems like there are not enough women movie directors) Amy Heckerling who has also directed such comedy hits as Fast Times as Ridgemont High and Look Who’s Talking. A side from who directed it, how does the spoof itself hold up. The answer pretty well even if there are a few dated 1984 references like break dancing. The cast is top notch with Michael Keaton who the year before did Mr. Mom as the star of the film, playing what could be described as your freindly neighborhood gangster, one that shares the wealth or breaks the fourth wall to deliver an anti smoking PSA. Other co-stars such as Peter Boyle and Joe Piscpo round out a comedy all star cast. While this film seems almost forgotten since The Naked Gun and Hot Shots rule the spoof genre. Johnny Danerously did it first and like how it takes its cues from Airplane! it’s a sold entertainer.

Johnny Dangerously Trailer (Twentieth Century Fox/1984)
On a scale of 1.0 to 5.9 it got a 5.3 out of 5.9

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Review : How to Train Your Dragon 2 (2014/PG)

When a film is directed by one person and its a sequel to the first film they co-directed, they more or less have their head up their own ass, that would be director Dean DeBois and turd on a stick that is How to Train Your Dragon 2. You know a film fucked up royally when we didn’t even finish the movie. We stopped watching when Hiccups dad was killed by Toothless because the villian commanded him using the bad alpha dragon. We call this Star Trek 2 syndrome and boy did this film have really bad case of it. The giant red flag was looking at the production background of the movie on Wikipedia (yes we actually do our homework on the films and TV shows we review) the director actually cited his influence for movie was Empire Strikes Back (the worst of Star Wars movies.) This is a family film, it needs to be light and fluffy, not gloom and doom like the Michael Arndt written shit fest that was Toy Story 3. Movies are a form of escapist entertainment, but when we had to stop the film to escape from it, then it fucked up and failed so badly it’s in a rare club of terrible that so few turds of a motion picture have managed to pull off. Boo to this film and shame on the director!

How to Train Your Dragon 2 Trailer (DreamWorks Animation/2014)

On a scale of 1.0 to 5.9 it got a 1.0 out of 5.9

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Review : Star Trek 2 (1982/PG) vs Star Trek 12 (2013/PG-13)

The Wrath of Khan is overrated, Nicholas Meyer didn’t save Star Trek, and Harve Bennett only spent less money to make Paramount more money! There we said it and we feel so much better about everything. Look there is great Star Trek movie but that’s another review but this one isn’t it. For now let’s compare the twos, Star Trek 2 vs Star Trek 12. Short answer Star Trek 12 is far superior, the long answer however is a text book case on how to fix every screw up Star Trek 2 did. So what is it that 12 fixed? Simple, Kirk and Khan met face to face and interacted, that’s was biggest fault of Star Trek 2. That alone wouldn’t have that big of an issue if Nicholas Meyer on the Star Trek 2 DVD didn’t make a comment how they never get to meet. Considering he wrote the damn screenplay uncredited, he’s the reason they didn’t (be glad he co-wrote Star Trek 4 and Star Trek 6, that kind of crap doesn’t happen.) Star Trek 12 also succeeds as the plot is way tighter and reboots the Khan story and doesn’t tie to the TV series. Star Trek 2 failed miserably as this because basically tries to shoehorn the Space Seed episode and does a piss poor job of it (did anyone watch the TV show before writing the script to Star Trek 2?) Major plot points of Star Trek 2 that made us scream bullshit for years were crew (who weren’t federation to start with just Khan’s people) of the Reliant fixing there engines while Enterprise is limping along for whole movie til the very end since yeah why would anyone on the ship fully trained and serving years in the federation not know how to fix the ship. Another plot point is Ceti Alpha Six exploded and Ceti Alpha V went to shit. Nicholas Meyer directed and co-wrote Star Trek 6, its first shot is a planet exploding and federation damn well knew that happened how did no one know or even realize a planet exploded and screwed up the orbit of another one! Star Trek 2 contained no Klingons, seriously how do you leave out the best villans of trek? Star Trek 12 actually has an extended scene on the Klingon world Kronos, with Kirk and Khan. Where Star Trek 2 also failed was bullshit cat and mouse games, Star Trek 12 proves people don’t want games they want results. So what about the end of Spock dying vs Kirk dying. Star Trek 2 was all about death and let’s wait 2 years for a sequel, while Star Trek 12 wrapped it all up in 2 hours and didn’t say wait 4 years for Star Trek 13. Honestly in the end only Star Trek Generations has angered us more in piss poor knowledge of source material, script story, and all around execution of everything. Star Trek 12 was basically a proper remake, when the only gripe was “Needs more Karl Urban as Dr. McCoy.” It’s like yes they finally did it, they finally made a proper Khan movie.

Star Trek 2 Trailer (Paramount Pictures/1982)

Star Trek 12 Trailer (Paramount Pictures/2013)

On a scale of 1.0 to 5.9 

Star Trek 2 got 1.4 out of 5.9 

Star Trek 12 got a 5.2 out of 5.9

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Friday Special : Frozen Fever (2015/G)

Well it’s too short to be a movie review, yet it’s still techinally a film, so how about we make it a Friday Special, and quickly look all 7 minuets that is Frozen Fever. First off let’s adress the rumors that a Frozen sequel is happening (we think it should be titled Thawed) if it does you can think of this as Frozen 1.5. Basically this takes the whole Elsa can make life with her powers and amplifies it. Honestly while funny it’s just an excuse for a music video sing along and more Olaf which is what the fans want. We can tell they recycled animation of Anna sleeping, and a lot of their dresses tie into items and displays we saw at the Epcot Flower and Garden Festival. Bottom line it’s cute but just wait til it’s posted online by Disney themselves.

Frozen Fever Trailer (Walt Disney Pictures/2015)

On a scale of 1.0 to 5.9 it got a 4.6 out of 5.9

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Review : Halloween Horror Nights 24

Because Easter is basically a story about a zombie it makes total sense to review Halloween, as it has more in common with easter. So on a Wednesday in mid October since 2009 we’ve gone to Halloween Horror Nights at Universal Studios Florida. To us Halloween Horror Nights or HHN is the Porsche of the halloween events, so let’s review HHN 24, the year the Porsche turned into a moderately loaded Chevy. 

First off lets get this out of the way, We hate most horror films, thanks to one note, no talent hacks like Eli Roth and James Wan, the horror genre has turned into torture porn. There is nothing wrong with blood and gore if it’s done right, look at the ultra violent Starship Troopers or the gory original Evil Dead, and super snarky Cabin In The Woods. If the blood and gore is there to advance the plot it’s fine, but movies today don’t do that, it’s all for shock value, and to show how broken the MPAA rating system is. One of the best horror movies of all time is 1982 film Poltergeist and that has minimal gore and is rated PG. Ok now that we have full disclosure in our point of view we can move on.

Let’s start where HHN 24 failed so badly, The Walking Dead house. The Walking Dead has been there every year since HHN 22 back in 2012, and that’s the problem. All HHN seems to care about now is that one house, and there are 7 other houses that seem like they are suddenly just slapped together in August. Yes we’ve only seen 1 episode of the Walking Dead, and hated it, the pacing was terrible. So yes we don’t watch the show and we don’t read the comics. That means we don’t give a damn the house is there, it’s been 3 years give us something original! 

While we’re on originality lets talk about lack of a park icon since HHN 21 back in 2011. The icon is what made the whole event feel like an event. The park was transformed into this world where you felt like you were immersed in their story. The scare zone were well themed, and the icon had a their own dedicated house. This year is was just “See The Walking Dead” “We’re whoring AMC’s The Walking Dead” “Don’t forget watch The Walking Dead sundays at 9pm on AMC check your local listings.” Now this was perfectly fine for HHN 23 when The Walking Dead was main theme and the scare zones were themed to it, however for HHN 24 it was basically a stage hog and a spotlight stealer.

In past years the originality also spilled over into the other 7 houses in addition to having an original icon. One of the best houses ever was the 2011 H.R. Blood N Guts horrified holidays.  This was the comedy house, which featured dark gory humor. In 2010 there was a house called Zombiegedon, while not the comedy house in the line playing on the side of the building it had a tounge and cheek video that was a reality TV show, on how to prepare for and hunt for zombies, yes this was totally original and fantastic setup to a creative house.

So what can be done to make HHN the Porsche again here’s a simple list:

1) Have an icon. Jack hasn’t been seen since HHN 20, and hasn’t been a main icon since HHN 17.

2) The entire park needs to be a scare zone like HHN 22 and HHN 23. The sense of fear and uneasiness brings the whole event alive.

3) No more The Walking Dead. Three years is enough, HHN was around years before the show and comic book, and now it’s being used as an easy lack of creativity crutch.

4) Bring back the chainsaw squad. Seeing them run around with 20 chain saws at full blast and every guest screaming is as entertaining as any of the houses.

5) All original houses, no IPs, the anticipation of something new every year is what make the wait and payoff worth it.

6) Bring back 20 Penny Circus. Seen at HHN 22 this was a funny and gory magic show and definite highlight that deserves an encore performance again.

In closing, 75 miles down I-4 is Busch Gardens Howl O Scream. This event has a smaller budget and recycles houses year after year, but at half the price and half the crowds it knows it’s a Chevy and not a Porsche vs the bait and switch HHN 24 pulled. Basically if HHN 25 is like HHN 24 we won’t even bother with HHN 26 and will put our money and support behind Howl O Scream.

On a scale of 1.0 to 5.9 it got a 2.1 out of 5.9

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