Review : Carrie (2013/R) 

Attention MGM, 1976 wasn’t that long ago why in the name of fuck is the film Carrie getting a remake? What’s next, Polgergiest, sorry what, really summer 2015 reboot…. FUCK! So let’s break this down, we have the director of Boys Don’t Cry, the co-star of Kick Ass 2, and Julianne Moore, what could possibly go wrong. Seriously run away from the review now before the movie goes off the rails! So in the first scene Carrie’s mother played by Julianne Moore gives birth alone in bed to Carrie and tries to kill her, oh FYI the first two minuets are just yelling. Right off the bat this where the film has issues, way to much yelling. While original 1976 film told the same story, it did it subtly, this film bangs you over the head. Yes Carrie has powers but don’t start cramming it down our throat five minuets in, for christ sakes build up to it, and do it with some class. Honestly do what we did and go to the fridge and get a stiff drink and keep watching, we will wait… got one, awesome let’s keep going. Truth be told 30 minuets in the film becomes fun because your enjoying seeing the actors, and director hit bottom with this car wreck. Your screaming out better movies the actors have been a part of scarcastically chirping “You were in (title here) you won an Oscar for (title here) what happened!” While we’re at it the film made a Tim Tebow reference don’t promote that little fart who couldn’t cut it in the NFL! Seriously this film is so bad it’s entertaining, it’s as if everyone involved watched the 1976 version but are doing a bad sweded version that would be seen in Be Kind Rewind (however that was funny on purpose.) Sweded would be best way to describe it as the audio levels of this movie are all over the place and the dutch angles are too tilted and poorly executed. More over digital correction when the bucket of blood was dumped on Carrie make it look waxy and cartoony, in 1976 this was a practical effect there is no need to digitaly tweak it. Your drink is probally empty now so that means the review is over, long story short this is a terrible movie. However if you want to get a nice stuff drink and have fun yelling at a movie because of the cast and crews decision on making a remake that wasn’t needed then it’s right up your alley.

Carrie Trailer (MGM/2013)

On a scale of 1.0 to 5.9 it got a 2.4 out of 5.9

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