Review: I Spit on Your Grave (1978/R / 2010/R)

On a scale of 1.0 to 5.9 BOTH FILMS AVERAGED TOGETHER got a 3.1 out of 5.9. Yes that’s it, the review is over, however right now we like to take a moment here and call out the writers of The Late Show with Stephen Colbert,  the writers of the episode of Star Trek : The Next Generation – Half A Life, the writers of The Last Man on Earth, the writers of episode 1 of Orange is the new black, plus writer Ilana Wernick of The Middle episode A Quarry Story, the writer of Odd Thomas,  and Nicholas Meyer the writer director of Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. Every single show or movie we just listed scored a 1.X score in our reviews in fact three of them got a 1.0 the lowest score we can give. Right there we think that says a lot of what is wrong with television and film writing. If you’ve never seen either version of I Spit on Your Grave basically a woman is brutally raped 4 diffrent times in deep woods by 4 dispicable country bumpkins, then she goes on a revenge spree to give them all what they so rightful deserved in commiting such sick and evil acts on her. So basically what we just said was two movies who plot point is brutal rape and sadisitsic revenge scored higher then those movies and tv shows. Story and writing make up a big chunk of the X.X out of 5.9 score. The fact these shows/ movies scored lower is a text book example of piss poor writing 101. The fact we saw the first I Spit on Your Grave and actually passed on writing a review about it (because we though it be too disturbing of a subject matter to put out snarky spin on it only to finally cave and actually give a combined score once we saw the 2010 remake) still makes us baffled that these two films scored better in  writing, story, and pacing then those shows and movies is and overall sad statement of what an empty shell the entertainment industry has become. 

I Spit on your Grave Trailer (Anchor Bay Entertainment/1978)

I Spit on your Grave Trailer (Anchor Bay Entertainment/2010)

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Review: Dispicable Me 2 (2013/PG)

Yes we saw the first movie, yes we’ve been on the ride at Universal Studios Florida (one day we’ll get around to reviewing that theme park too but you know we’re biased towards Epcot.) but were here to talk about about the sequel Despicable Me 2. The second one got it right invert the story give us more of the popular characters he wants but not shoved down your throat in this case we wanted more minions and also we want to see grew you think is good or is that using is bad to big good wait a minute ow ow ow our head ow. The whole story works at the fresh spin on everything this time you need to find a villain will go get a villain that’s the way it should be of course you have the kids becoming more preteen so now you have the angst of stuff you’d see in sitcoms. And of course you have Gru being Gru, and the addition of the AVL it’s a nice way of having them on a team but also being solo. This Siri works as it’s basically a family comedy but also an anti-family comedy at that which is why we think it’s all the rare sequels much like toy story two which is better than the original.

Despicable Me 2 Trailer (Universal Pictures/2013)
On a scale of 1.0 to 5.9 it got a 5.2 out of 5.9

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Review: Back to the Future Part III (1990/PG)

Oh Bob and Bob how did you go so wrong and so off the rails (littearly and figuratively) with a movie that killed the whole franchise, and now all people remember about Back to the Future after part II is “Hey wasn’t there a ride of that at Universal Studios Florida?” People bitch and moan that LJN made terrible video games based on good movies, well this time it seems like this is terrible movie based on a good movie. Honestly why do we hate it so much? Frankly because this isn’t Back to the Future it is a goddamn romantic western film. Look if we want  western with comedy we’ll go watch Blazzing Saddles (and even that film while a western is basically 1974 in 1874) and if we want romance we’ll go watch Morning Glory or She’s All That. Look we know part II had to have Jennifer in the car at the start of the movie, because he end of the first one was basically a gag, and the creative team didn’t think they were going to make a part II or part III. But its sloppy tacked on bull shit forced melowdramatic  story that makes it unapealing and pointless.  Plus its also just lazy writing that again the DeLorean is stuck with out fuel (honestly someone traveling in time wouldn’t  be that stupid as to take extra gas with them, hell we have quart of oil in our vehicle at all times just like you have a spare tire.) Even when Marty himself says “why do we cut theses things so close” is showing that the series itself is getting tired of it all. We did like Back to the Future the animated series as that put a fresh spin on adventures and not a tired piss poor, watered down steam punk, westernized, bland copy of the masterpiece that was the orginal. Hell had this film been any good maybe the fucking ride would still be opened at theme parks today.

Back to the Future part III Trailer (Universal Pictures/1990)

On a scale of 1.0 to 5.9 it got a 2.3 out of 5.9

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We’ll drink to that: Inside Out (2015/PG {wait how is this crap not PG-13})

Inspired by our reviews of Fifty Shades of Grey and Howard the Duck yeah two movies that you thought you never see in the same sentence, but ironically both released by Universal Studios. However once again we hit the bottle and journey into the Pixar world known as Inside Out. Right off the bat this film is running on that shoddy creeky Pixar playbook that is showing its age after 20 years (fuck, were 20 years old but atleast we still don’t use the same 486 to upload our reviews, yet ironically we still have a copy of Windows 95 to play our games.) So once again it’s a buddy movie, once again it’s a damn adventure movie / beat the clock movie. But hell we were loaded on 6 drinks by the 50 minuet Mark and our spouse was yelling at us were nothing but sadness because we bitch non stop about everything, that shit we face this film high marks. We wanted to hate this movie and we didn’t! We had six drinks (or was it 7) hoping to tear this film a new one one and we didn’t, so in the end fuck you Pixar, you scored again in our book and recovered almost from that Muchael Arndt abortion that is Toy Story 3 and that ho hum drivel that is Brave.

Inside Out Trailer (Walt Disney Pictures/2015)
On a scale of 1.0 to 5.9 it got a 4.8 out if 5.9

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