Quick break:

Hey everyone after tomorrow’s review were going to take two weeks off for our summer vacation. Yeah we know how can we be off when we’ve said we write everything in advance. Well with adding our theme park reviews this year were going to recharge our movie review bank so we’re back with our snarky take on all that we love that is film. Don’t worry we have plenty of theme park reviews comming soon too. So always leave a comment and tell us what you want us to review.

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Review: iZombie: Season 2 (2015-2016)

We hate zombies shows there we said it. How many times have you seen us trash The Walking Dead. So what’s in all honesty would we be doing watching this CW show? Really we don’t know however as we discovered it originally on Netflix, this series has more to do with quantum leap then with The Walking Dead. Every time the main character eats the brain of somebody (don’t worry it’s not gory at all it’s actually rather comical on how the brains repaired you’ll see more graphic stuff on episode of CSI) she picks up the memories and skills of that person once again harking back to Sam Beckett of quantum leap. Mix this with a hip-hop show and this is actually well written and great entertainment. Would it work out one of the big four networks probably not but at the CW show this works. Filled with pop culture puns as a come back from every commercial break dinner douce the scene and also winking at itself with the couple in jokes I zombie is a refreshing clever oasis in the desert of crap on television. 

On a scale of 1.0 to 5.9 it got a 4.7 out of 5.9

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Review: Sesame Street season 46 episode 1

So after 45 seasons Sesame Street a show for urban low income children on over air free PBS has moved ultra expensive and what’s wrong with tv today, HBO. First off it’s now a half-hour show, second out of those half-hour show 15 minutes is still Elmo’s world. Now we wouldn’t discount that if it wasn’t for the fact that Elmo had five fucking minutes already at the start of the show. Why all right we’re going to trash the opening to because now it’s this regular speed to slow motion horse shit this is not Abraham Lincoln vampire Hunter that is not how you do it this is why kids have ADHD for Christ sake Its been on 46 years if the funding was an issue then they should’ve just let it end they had over 4000 episodes in the bank already We don’t think kids one of mind seeing stuff from Tenda 15 years ago. What our guide at the production value was awful everything is green screen and how about some real fucking sets people it’s not that hard if this show has done it since the 60s with even less of a budget that it has today what the fuck HBO. This isn’t a cultural icon anymore this is an embarrassment.

On a scale of 1.0 to 5.9 it got a 2.2 out of 5.9

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Friday Special: Fall/Winter Finales: How TV once again is driving everyone to DVRs

Long ago (the 70s) tv shows did 26 episodes a season that means mathematically every episode of the season would run twice in 52 week tv season. As the 80s and 90s came about that 26 dropped to 24 and now here in present day that 24 has dropped to 22. With 22 that means we have 4 less episodes a season and now huge content holes in the tv schedule. Over the past few years networks (both broadcast and cable) have been taking there shows and throwing the brakes on in December and keeping them locked away til March. Look we don’t watch a lot of current tv (primarily because we’re busy reviewing movies and going to theme parks) but we watch a shitload of classic tv shows and game shows on the digital sub channels. Let’s take The Jeffersons for example, there are 257 episodes over 11 years, because they did 26 a season. If they aired today they do 22 and run October to December and March to May, people wouldn’t watch part of the season because they wouldn’t know when they were coming back. This is why people are running to DVRs and Netflix, they are tired of idiotic show scheduling. Honestly it all goes back to the rise of serialized hourlong dramas which is what is wrong with all tv today. TV writers are all terrible hacks (as referenced by our other Friday special: 57 minuets past the hour) and can’t write one good hour of TV let alone 26. So they conned there way into only making 22 (or 13 if it’s cable.) Honestly the only show on TV right now that actually seems to be fighting the serial trend is iZombie (btw don’t think that’s immune to getting a Bad Writer Showcase profile) and the irony is, it will only have 19 episodes this season. Because we have these long breaks people just use there technology to create there own full seasons. Yet the networks don’t count DVR playback 4 or 5 months later so once again the networks stupidity of scheduling shoots themselves in the foot again!

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Thanksgiving Treat: Stuff Yourself with Great TV

A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving – 1973

Why watch it?

Aside from the comically bad voice casting (Peppermint Patty is voiced by a male actor which wouldn’t be so obvious if it was a low sounding voice.) But you’ll watch it for Smoopy and Woodstock making an unconventional thanksgiving dinner of pretzels, popcorn, toast, and jelly beans. 

WKRP In Cincinnati “Turkeys Away” – 1978

Why watch it?

What starts a slow moving run of the mill episode about a thanksgiving promotion is basically the equivalent to a rollercoaster hill climb. Once that crest of that hill is crossed it becomes Thanksgiving meets the Hidenberg disaster (minus all that unwanted mass casualties and death however) the sheer audio descriptions of the climax of the episode makes it appointment tv year after year.

The Simpsons “Bart vs. Thanksgiving” – 1990

Why watch it?

While we always admit the golden years of The Simpsons were 1992-1995, this is one of those early gems from season 2 when the show was more sitcom and less whacky cartoon that it is today. In fact this could be seen as an more edgy version of a classic 50s sitcom plot. Don’t let its age fool you, just because it aired in 1990 (on thanksgiving day no less) it’s still a contempary story that rings true over 25 years later.

The Goldbergs “In Conclusion, Thanksgiving” – 2015

Why watch it?

Wait your, saying to yourself, isn’t this the place that likes to rip current TV (or looking at the bulk of our reviews all TV) a new one? You be correct, however maybe because this show is set in 1980-something that it feels like a throwback to that era sitcom wise. Barry ofcourse steaks the show being well Barry in his over the top, missing the mark by a mile, but totally confident approach to telling the story of thanksgiving. Maybe because it’s based on real people you laugh because we all have someone in the family like that or who all been to a thanksgiving meal like that.

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Friday Special: The Late Show with Stephen Colbert – An Exercise in Destroying a Franchise.

Stephen Colbert and his writers took the 22 year legacy of prestige, with class, and then basically raped it as hard as they could before killing it and flushing it’s quivering lifeless corpse down the toilet after dismembering it with a rusty broken hacksaw. In fact hack is the word that best describes what the “real Stephen Colbert” is. That piddly ass horse shit of playing a blow hard political pundit belongs on cable television back in 2005 where it made sense. Not on broadcast television where the overly loud obnoxious audience, who remind us of the later terrible seasons of Married With Children in 1995, make you want to throw the remote at the screen so hard you’ll break it because it’s easiest and fastest way to make it go away. WE DON’T WANT TO WATCH THE CLOBERT REPORT! We want the The Late Show. Three painfully unfunny minuets with a demonic skull as another unfunny excuse to tell who the sponsor was, is total bullshit and amateur bush league stuff. When we fast forward through a chunk of the show and deleted it off our DVR after only watching 27 minuets this is without a doubt the worst talk show we’ve ever seen. Even the order it was executed was wrong. Show open first, then the monologue, and for fuck sake hire a goddamn announcer, your not Craig Kilborn on The Daily Show back in 1998. True we don’t watch the Tonight Show even though Jimmy Fallon destroyed that by making it a show about skits and stupid games, but we stopped watching that in 1993 under Jay Leno when David Letrrman started his show, so since we never watched it we don’t care if it was destroyed, this show however we did watch. We hope the ratings for this drop and the affiliates revolt as that will be the only way the Late Show will be saved.

On a scale of 1.0 to 5.9 it got a 1.0 out of 5.9

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Friday Special: TV Sweeps Crossovers. Hourlong drama’s shenannegans.

 Because we need something to grind our axe on, once again we turn to the gift that keeps on giving, the hourlong TV drama. It’s not that were mean just to be mean it’s that hour long TV dramas are the bane of our existence through poor storytelling and being serialized just to be serialized. It also doesn’t help that everything is trying to be like the overly criticaly aclaimed horse crap that’s found on cable television we call it the critic circle jerk because it’s just made for critics who don’t know what they are talking half the time and have their own head up their ass (we’re well aware of the irony that we are a website that critiques movies and TV shows.)  With that said what is it about the crossovers and sweeps that drives us up the wall? The answer is networks like to promote this like it’s the second coming of Jesus (Feb/May/Nov only, and NBC is most notorious for doing that) wow it’s crossover they’ll be in the show it’s like two-for-one know in reality it’s for one scene maybe two minutes tops. TV sweeps also means the bullshit weak plots and irritating and stupid melodrama are turned up to 11 and is firing on all cylinders at a red line RPM. The only good place for crossovers was Star Trek and sitcoms of the 70s and sometimes 80s but then you only had 22 minutes tops to get it all in, you got to the point where as hour-long dramas don’t, it’s just time filler or a time sponge. Which goes back to our golden rule respect our time and once again hour-long TV dramas don’t and this like most of there shenanigans is why they always get terrible bottom of the barrel reviews and scores from us.

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