Review: Super Mario Run

Hey wait you’re saying to yourself this isn’t a theme park, movie, TV series review what gives?  Well we’ll tell you, we have been playing Mario since the days of NES (by the way we still have ours that works perfectly how about you) so why not review Super Mario Run. Really there’s not a lot to review about the game, you run, you collect coins, you defeat enemies, you hit the flagpole. But what we did like in this game is the rally section where you can race against other players that have played the course before, this is where your talents as a gamer come in. As we beat the game in about one day, the rally levels we found challenging as we keep getting more and more toads, first to 9999, and now with the new update our quest to 99,999. Is it worth the download yes is it worth the 10 bucks yes.

On a scale of 1.0 to 5.9 it got a 4.7 out of 5.9

Review: Pokemon Go

Hey wait a second this isn’t a movie, tv show, or theme park. Why yes you are correct, but this is something based on a movie, a TV show, and maybe a theme park in the future? So since we joined the craze we figured well Wynot review Pokémon go.

As you can see this place might look a little familiar if you read out other reviews. We were at Epcot and just look at  screen grab bears Polk stops and poke Gyms everywhere. Your results may vary of course. Now we never watch the show or the movies or play the game that came out in the 90s. That we were too busy reviewing movies back in the 90s and we were website but we digress on that. Yes we got sucked into the Pokémon go crazy and we love this game it’s awesome walk around your neighborhood or your town or in our case Epcot and catching all the little critters.


We enjoy the augmented reality part of it. Check out its a Wild Oddish next to Spaceship Earth at Epcot. The fact this game goes anywhere and let you explore and all sorts of things is great for when you’re just milling around or want to get outside and enjoy the community not when it’s 155,000° like it is were relocated but it’s the thought that counts.


Honestly her only complaint when the game is the pokes stops what you’re either too many or too few in a lot of places and sometimes the GPS gets a little pissy and doesn’t rush hear that you’re near a postop when you could be standing right next to the damn thing. In addition summer distant bizarre locations really Pokémon go Disney gator could you maybe have thought of that before you posted it well We guess no one is perfect. The other issues we have are the battery draining and the fact that you know most of these gamers are now in her 30s why do we have to walk why can’t we driving a credit for the Pokémon eggs do they not have car is in the damn show?

On a scale of 1.0 5.9 it got a 4.9 out of 5.9

Review: Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot (1992/PG-13)

So you have Sylvester Stallone as tough LA cop and Estlle Getty as kindly but well meaning mother from Newark, NJ, put them together what could go wrong? Ummmmm well let’s talk about that, shall we? Look this film is bad, just plain bad. Normally bad movies are fun to watch like The Wiz, Problem Child 2, or Mommie Dearest. Stop or my mom will shoot, is a text book example of story, casting, and all around execution of material coming together in such a spectacular miss fire it’s like seeing red sniff it in Super Mario Bros 2 (FYI that’s would be seen in world 3-3.) We think what is most amazing about this film is that it made 40 million in profit at the box office in 1992 dollars, and that the director went on to helm a James Bond film. Look we’re not telling you to see this film, but if you have an appetite for seeing what happens when Hollywood does a major belly flop, it is without a doubt an educational tool.

On a scale of 1.0 to 5.9 it got a 2.3 out of 5.9

Review : Orange is the New Black – Episode 1 (2013/TV-MA)

Netflix which started out as a movie rental house on the internet (take that blockbuster, shut down Mega Video will you) is now branching out into original programing (because yeah that’s what you should do when your name has Flix in it, do less in the way of movies.) Anyone who knows us (so like 8 people) knows basically since 1997 original series on premium channels have become the bane of our existence while for every Mr. Show, Tales From the Crypt, Camelot, and Penny Dreadful, you get the overrated, over blown, Emmy award ballot box stuffing, critics circle jerk marathon Sopranos, Six Feet Under, The Leftovers, Torchwood, and Masters of Sex. Is it any wonder we dumped HBO in 2004! Now that we got the back story out of the way right at the beginning (by the way back story, structure, pacing, and all around confusion and vagueness of plots could fill volumes on how these shows are all text book examples of how NOT to do those things) let’s delve into why we are here, namely a review of Orange is the New Black.

Right off the bat the story starts and it’s some non sequitur line (ok probably will mean something but who will bloody well remember it 8 god damn episodes later at 32:45 in spoken by some day player no one has ever heard of.) Next hey there’s nudity because it’s premium content gotta have nudity just to show how creative it is and no way you ever see this bold and creative stuff on ABC or Fox. So after that pointless scene the painful opening credits of harshly lit ECU shots of people with bad skin. Aside from this making no sense, when one has a 40 inch HDTV and streaming this on their HD AppleTV, these are shots that you simply don’t want in your living room especially while eating. So that’s already an F for the editor of the sequence who should know in editing 101 you don’t do that many ECUs back to back to back, and don’t defend it as art, there’s a major difference between art and piss poor editing.

After that trauma it’s time to start the show, and it opens on a bar be cue. No someone didn’t sit on the remote and accidentally change it to a cooking show on PBS Create (which by the way does have ECU shots but that’s required as you need detail there) this is the first scene, there are having a bar be cue because the main character is going to jail tomorrow (um ok why) now yes it could be argued it is an hour show they will get to it, it can also be argued and correctly pointed out this is not proper story structure. You have to give a setup up to the plot, this should have started in the court room at the sentencing and clearly spelled out what happened and why this requires jail time. All hour long shows are guilty of this today (pardon the legal pun for a prison show) of confusing non linear story arcs. Stop wasting peoples time, it’s rude, selfish, and downright offensive for any show to insist you give it 10, 13, or 20 hours of your time. In today’s world people are far to busy and far to ADHD for any show to get to make that claim. Shows today don’t understand people have maybe 45 minuets to spare, it needs to all be wrapped up in that time span, now yes an underlying subtle story arc for a whole season is fine but the plot for every episode should be A to Z. Episode 1 should set up the tone of the series not just sit there being vague.

So after that scene is an awkward bedroom scene as it is their last night together (again why) so at this point you have to go look on Wikipedia just to figure what the hell is going on. This is another major issue, why does someone have to go look at Wikipedia to figure out the plot of the show this means we have to pause the show to go online just to find the plot so it can be understood, this is basically homework and is wasting more of your time.

Yet another awkward scene follows and there’s now a revelation that finally explains why the main characters is going to prison, well it’s trying to, but it’s awkward and trying to be funny. This raises another point with many hour-long shows today they’re trying to be a hybrid comedy drama the problem is the comedy is not really that funny and it makes the drama come off campy and forced. Yes one can argue The Love Boat was a comedy drama but it had a laugh track so that made it a comedy with it being three little stories that still wrapped up in the 45 minutes allotted. 

Let’s see where we stand here. The show started off non sequitur, you had to go to Wikipedia to find the plot only for the show  to try to explain the plot, and do it really badly, and now are only 14 minutes into the show! *sigh* This is going to be a long hour.

Remember when we touched on story structure well now we get to see it fail miserably. The episode starts going into flashbacks and more flashbacks with a pinch of present day, while some drive the plot most just don’t or do it really badly and kill the pacing (which is a linchpin of story structure 101.) At this point you’re already just going to yourself, ouch my head my head, only to see your now 22 minutes into the show, you got a half hour to go, start drinking.  The episode doesn’t tire of this bad structure and keeps going from flashback to present-day, think of it like family guy with cutaway gags that aren’t funny that have no set up. This causes confusion as it is like two different shows with the same actors trying to compete for the same time slot on the same channel simultaneously.

Moving on to the part where the episode it self says this isn’t Oz.  That’s right there is bad enough when your show has to say “Oh were not like that show on HBO in 1997 that pretty much is the reason why premium cable shows today suck!” Oh by the way episode is trying to be funny and failing miserably the whole time. Yes Rizzoli & Isles does this a lot but one can cut that program some slack as that show understands it’s not premium cable and actually has plot and story structure and can wrap it up in 45 minuets, plus no flash backs.

So now 30 minutes into the show you see there are two people from the movie American Pie. Jesus christ was the casting director just bored one night and happened to pop in the DVD of the film and said “Oh let’s just cast everyone from this movie.” Make the show original don’t make your viewers get nostalgic and want to stop the episode to see a movie from 1999 where a dude humps a pie. Might as well start placing bets that Eugine Levy will make a cameo at some point the way this is going.

Finally after limping along for 51 excruciating minutes the episode finally comes to an end, is there a twist, yes, however because you can never engage with a story that flip-flops and goes back-and-forth so much it kills the over all tone of the episode and also any interest you have in the story. One cannot get invested if one cannot follow the story. Episode two awaits at this point but do you care enough to bother after nearly an hour of bad pacing and story structure? Maybe you should watch it if nothing else is on, but then again you do have Netflix go watch a movie because it’s called you know the service has word Flix in it’s god damn name!

On a scale of 1.0 to 5.9 this episode got a 1.7 out of 5.9

Gonna go back in time!

Its 2015 so let E-Mod 116 Online share with you movies that have an anniversary this year….. starting with 10.

10 Years (2005)

The 40 Year Old Virgin (the only good and original movie Judd Apatow made)

Fantastic 4

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Robots

Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Ware-rabbit (this is the best film of 2005, it’s Wallace & Gromit)

Herbie Fully Loaded

The Weatherman

Syriana (worst film of 2005)

Fun with Dick and Jane

The Dukes of Hazzard

The Pacifier

Bad News Bears

The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy (best live action film of 2005)

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (this and every other Harry Potter movie that followed it totally sucked)

Star Wars Episode III Revenge of the Sith

20 Years (1995)

Batman Forever

Pocahontas 

Seven

Apollo 13 (the one Ron Howard movie that isn’t bland and pedestrian)

Toy Story (unless the Toy Story film has a 2 in the title it’s an awful movie)

The Brady Bunch Movie

Tommy Boy

Friday

French Kiss

Species (a great film in 1995 but actually did not age well)

Nine Months (proving Christopher Columbus should NEVER write a screen play after 1987)

The Net

Dangerous Minds

Showgirls (a fantastic film because its sleazy, cheesy, over the top and all around a guilty pleasure, which quite possibly could make it the best film of 1995)

To Die For

Ace Ventura When Nature Calls (worst film of 1995)

Money Train

Grumpier Old Men

30 Years (1985)

Back to the Future

The Goonies

Coccon (Ron Howard’s first attempt at blandness and total pedestrian attempt)

Turk 182

Pee Wee’s Big Adventure

The Breakfast Club

Weird Science

Just one of the Guys

Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment

Clue

Real Genius

Santa Claus The Movie

National Lampoons European Vacation

40 Years (1975)

The Rocky Horror Picture Show

Jaws

One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest

Escape To Which Mountain

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

 

E-Mod 116 Online mission statement. Because it’s always 1987 at the movies.

Welcome one and all to E-Mod 116 Online. So aside from a name that makes no sense what is this blog about? Here’s the back story. E-Mod 116 Online was created in 1995 as a local BBS in Jacksonville, Florida (no we’re not located there anymore.) In early 1996 movie reviews of then current films began. Then in 1998 the whole operation moved to the World Wide Web because you know that’s where the action was at (By action mostly cnet, Yahoo, and porn. Compared to today which is cnet, Google, and porn.)  What made the movie reviews on E-Mod 116 Online unique was the snark and that a review of a movie might actually be about the MPAA giving a certain rating to the movie, the screen writer, or even the production company. In short it wasn’t about the movie it was about what makes the movie a movie that got reviewed. So why bring E-Mod 116 Online back over 20 years later when there are litteraly thousands of sites that review films? The answer is simple there are films on TV all the time now, and on demand at your fingertips with the help of you iphone or AppleTV. Why not review a film from 1987 (or any year) with a fresh prospective, to remind people of films long forgotten. And why not make them laugh with sheer biterness of a rant about a movie or a factor that made the movie, or total nerdgasim (yeah probally not a word) of a 20 or 30 year old film that is so full of cheese you want to savor it as it’s tasty treat. Welcome to E-Mod 116 Online, and roll the flick. Oh FYI we can’t spell or proof read for crap we couldn’t in 1995, 1998, or today, and autocorrect only makes everything worse, so why not have a drinking game of bad grammar and diction of this blog, it’s a fun way to get hammered.