Batman vs Superman (2016/PG-13)

Yawn! That’s how we can summarize this movie in one word. Then again is that really a word to begin with? Hell our cats yawn, in fact let’s have them write part of this review. Here kitties! Who wants to write a review.

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Yeah see that pile of mess, that’s basically what this film came out to be. Who is to blame for that train wreck, well that’s simple the director Zack Snyder. We still have no idea what the fuck Watchmen was really tryin to be about back in 2009, blue dick and all. See that’s this directors main problem, he suffers from the same thing that CSI suffered from when it was the new hot shit in Hollywood. All flash and no substance. The Dark Knight in 2008 was  perfect Batman movie because it has a good story under the hood. The more comic book stilzed Batman Forever in 1995 was able to be more style but still had bit of substance to its slightly campy story. Hell you want to talk about camp, let’s go back to 1978 and the Superman movie which is just a big real estate scam,  but still the top notch actors and director made it a story of substance. This movies problem is that it’s just trying to be dark and grity and boringly tell a story of two the Giants of the DC universe. Get a pillow and lay down as this film is your cure of insomnia.

On a scale of 1.0 to 5.9 it got a 2.1 out of 5.9

Review: Meet The Parents (2000/PG-13)

This year we celebrate our 21st anniversay, its time we go back and once again review of film saw when we just celebrating our 5th anniversary. We’ve made no secret that the year 2000 is what ass raped, killed, set the corpse on fire, put it out by pissing on it, ass raping it one more time, then farting on it for good nature, did to movies. But wait your saying, 2000 brought us such movies as Erin Brockovich, and The Road to El Dorado, but also it brought us Mission to Mars, Rules of Engagement, Gladiator, and Meet The Parents. Those are four of the worst films ever made and this is about the last one on that list. This is this is one of the few times we just have nothing to stay about a film. The one dementioal,wooden  characters, the stuipid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid insulting sitcom comedy of errors plot, that even the campy and hokey Threes Company in the late 70s and 80s would have found sub par. Robert Deniro and Ben Stiller playing so one note characters we had to try everything in our power not to just walk out of the movie  half way though it (yes its that bad we rememeber how much of a terrible experence it was all these years later) Jay Roach the director owes us $6.50 for this abortion of a motion picture, and we still can’t belive his name is on this putid pile of rancid horse shit, considering he directed the hillarious and comedy tour de-force Austin Powers trilogy.

Meet The Parents Trailer (Universal Pictures/2000)
On a scale of 1.0 to 5.9 it got at 1.0 out of 5.9

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Review : Austin Powers in Goldmember (2002/PG-13)

Usually the third time out is when the series starts to run out of steam. So how does this movie stack up especially when it had to live up to Austin Powers: The spy who shagged me which is considered the best of the trilogy. Honestly the first time we saw this back in 2002 on opening day we thought it was an ok film, it wasn’t until we bought it on DVD for Christmas 2002 and then watched it over and over again did the movie start to grow on us. It’s the fact it has rewatch ability that makes it work, yes the jokes are a little bit recycled and even the movie itself references that it really hilarious way. Yes the series does peak with The Spy who Shagged Me but Goldmember is almost extension of the movie it’s a sequel but that the fact they brought everyone back from the second one including everyone loved in the second and not just in cameo parts is why the film is so fun.

Austin Powers in Goldmember (New Line Cinema/2002)
On a scale of 1.0 to 5.9 it got a 5.6 out of 5.9

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Review: National Lampoon’s Chistmas Vacation (1989/PG-13)

Sure 1989 might still seem too soon to label something a classic (hell our tagline is ‘its always 1987 at the movies’ so who are we to judge) but this is one movie that was an insyant classic when it was first released. As we all know the the orginal Vaction was pure comedy gold when it hit theaters in 1983 and took on the insanity and sheer bullshit of the cross country  summer vacation. This time Griswolds stay home and the vacation is more of a holiday season itself and we actually never make it christmas in the movie (it ends on Dec 24.)  We like this movie not only for Chevy Chase playing lovable trying is hardest everyman Clark Griswold, and also because Randy Quaid returns as everyones favorite Cousin Eddie. We credit this film for working on so many levels from the genius writer of the 80s John Hughes. This movie could be seen more as series of sketches that tie together as one unified movie, but its all the charaters that all have their one great line that makes is memorable, from the “Is your house on fire Clark?” of elderly aunt Bethany seeing the house decorated with a million twinkle lights (which unto itself is another funny set up scene.) To the melt down Clark has towards the end of the film with ends with the pefrect punchline “Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where’s the Tylenol?” is just as funny now seeing, as it is ever single time we watch it. This movie is a comedy home run, and while some minor subplots are a little sitcom like they are few and far between.  This is the true defintion of instant classic, and is a holiday treat.

National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation Trailer (Warner Bros. Pictures/1989)
On a scale of 1.0 to 5.9 it got a 5.5 out of 5.9

Review : Star Trek 2 (1982/PG) vs Star Trek 12 (2013/PG-13)

The Wrath of Khan is overrated, Nicholas Meyer didn’t save Star Trek, and Harve Bennett only spent less money to make Paramount more money! There we said it and we feel so much better about everything. Look there is great Star Trek movie but that’s another review but this one isn’t it. For now let’s compare the twos, Star Trek 2 vs Star Trek 12. Short answer Star Trek 12 is far superior, the long answer however is a text book case on how to fix every screw up Star Trek 2 did. So what is it that 12 fixed? Simple, Kirk and Khan met face to face and interacted, that’s was biggest fault of Star Trek 2. That alone wouldn’t have that big of an issue if Nicholas Meyer on the Star Trek 2 DVD didn’t make a comment how they never get to meet. Considering he wrote the damn screenplay uncredited, he’s the reason they didn’t (be glad he co-wrote Star Trek 4 and Star Trek 6, that kind of crap doesn’t happen.) Star Trek 12 also succeeds as the plot is way tighter and reboots the Khan story and doesn’t tie to the TV series. Star Trek 2 failed miserably as this because basically tries to shoehorn the Space Seed episode and does a piss poor job of it (did anyone watch the TV show before writing the script to Star Trek 2?) Major plot points of Star Trek 2 that made us scream bullshit for years were crew (who weren’t federation to start with just Khan’s people) of the Reliant fixing there engines while Enterprise is limping along for whole movie til the very end since yeah why would anyone on the ship fully trained and serving years in the federation not know how to fix the ship. Another plot point is Ceti Alpha Six exploded and Ceti Alpha V went to shit. Nicholas Meyer directed and co-wrote Star Trek 6, its first shot is a planet exploding and federation damn well knew that happened how did no one know or even realize a planet exploded and screwed up the orbit of another one! Star Trek 2 contained no Klingons, seriously how do you leave out the best villans of trek? Star Trek 12 actually has an extended scene on the Klingon world Kronos, with Kirk and Khan. Where Star Trek 2 also failed was bullshit cat and mouse games, Star Trek 12 proves people don’t want games they want results. So what about the end of Spock dying vs Kirk dying. Star Trek 2 was all about death and let’s wait 2 years for a sequel, while Star Trek 12 wrapped it all up in 2 hours and didn’t say wait 4 years for Star Trek 13. Honestly in the end only Star Trek Generations has angered us more in piss poor knowledge of source material, script story, and all around execution of everything. Star Trek 12 was basically a proper remake, when the only gripe was “Needs more Karl Urban as Dr. McCoy.” It’s like yes they finally did it, they finally made a proper Khan movie.

Star Trek 2 Trailer (Paramount Pictures/1982)

Star Trek 12 Trailer (Paramount Pictures/2013)

On a scale of 1.0 to 5.9 

Star Trek 2 got 1.4 out of 5.9 

Star Trek 12 got a 5.2 out of 5.9

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Review: Necessary Roughness (1991/PG-13)

It’s a football movie no one seems to remember so it’s time to hit the gridiron and review necessary roughness. This is basically a satire of the SMU football scandal of 1987 if you don’t remember, that was when the NCAA handed down the death penalty punishment due to a slush fund and under the table payments to student football players. While SMU shut down for two years, the team in this movie reboots with walk ons. At this point enter actor Scott Bakula from the series Quantum Leap as the star of the movie playing a 34-year-old college freshman. The comedy is while he’s old, he has a great throwing arm and a great leadership of the team, in fact this film feels a lot like the movie Major League only with football instead of baseball. So why was this film forgotten, well one could say that there were other football movies that came out after this such as Rudy, The Waterboy, or Major League II in the baseball realm. It’s not a terrible movie but it’s also a standard sports movie, the whole underdogs, will they win, or overcome thier handicap plot. Honestly we only watched this movie because it was on Netflix it was like “hey this will kill two hours” and in the end that’s what we could recommend, it’ll kill two hours but while it’s not bad, it’s forgettable and that alone is what makes a film a success or a failure more so then the box office.

And starting this review, we are going to provide a link to theatrical trailer if it is available.

Necessary Roughness Trailer (Paramount Pictures/1991) 

On a scale of 1.0 to 5.9 it got a 3.8 out of 5.9

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Review : Last Action Hero (1993/PG-13)

If there ever was a textbook case for bad release date, this is the film. So right off the bat it opened one week after Jurassic Park (honestly we think The Lost World was better) and it was on fast track in post production. First off the release date should have been July 16th, 1993. That was a month after Jurassic Park and July 1993 was light on action/comedy films. This would have alowed for cleaner and more relaxed post production and still avoided what would have back then be the August dumping ground (that’s now January – April.) But beyond a bad release date why does this film get a bum wrap? We think this film was ahead of its time for 1993, it was to inside jokes and to meta. Now thanks to the Internet and critic/comedians this movie is basically a commentary on every late 80s early 90s action film. Yes the plot is cheesey and hackneyed but what action film plot of that era wasn’t? The kid transported into the movie is basically able to know what’s comming because even more today movies and to a greater extent hour long TV dramas all follow the same tired formula. The switch to the real world at the end is the perfect juxtaposition to how corny and cliched the movie world is. Bottom line this isn’t greatest film ever made but it’s a great commentary on action films of the era.

On a scale of 1.0 to 5.9 it got a 4.8 out of 5.9